Today is my 7th anniversary.
Not the sweet kind; not the kind commemorating union and achievement. The kind that marks hardship. That splits life in two. Into the blissfully ignorant Before.
And the horrible After.
The hard stop between a great scar down my vulnerable middle. A panic attack. A $15,000 trip to the emergency room. The death of the myth of my invincibility. The birth of my struggle to come to terms with my flawed humanity.
This day used to bring pain. Memories of a fear that shook me to the pit of my belly and was only released by the right medication and months of intensive outpatient therapy. It was once a day of tears, of burning.
7 years later, this anniversary brings a different feeling. I feel a sadness for that girl and her struggle. But it is a compassion for another. I can reach through memory to hold her, tightly, promise that she will find her way back to life. But there is too much space now, too much change. I know: she is gone. I am no longer her. And that day of suffering is over.
She has been replaced (slowly, slowly) by the woman before you. By this creature that wakes before dawn to drink tea and read before cooking breakfast for her husband. By this being that does yoga and preaches compassion. This living animal that ponders the complicated struggle of life while crafting happy little things from yarn.
Perhaps now, after all this time, this day can finally be a day for sweet things, too.
This amigurumi popsicle was made freehand with Caron Simply Soft Yarn and a US 7/4.5mm crochet hook.